METAL SLUDGE
Legendary Rock Parody Site
www.metalsludge.tv

(Summer 2004) by George Dionne

Metal Sludge needs no introduction; but damn it, they’re going to get one. For those living under a rock, Metal Sludge was created out of boredom with one goal in mind: to settle the feud between Axl Rose and Vince Neil once and for all. Okay, so that’s not entirely true, in fact it’s bullshit. Metal Sludge was created to parody the eighties metal scene and the magazine responsible for over-exposing it, Metal Edge. That joke eventually turned into a phenomenon. Metal Sludge has been known to dish out the dirt on the rock and roll scene via their message boards, and they have become notorious for their series of ‘20 Questions’, which interrogate some of the great (and not so great) metal acts of years gone by. As well as pornstars, wrestlers, and modern rock acts too.

Some rockstars can sit back and laugh at themselves, while others end up on the infamous “Pussy List”. VH-1 recently recognized Metal Sludge on their 100 Most Metal Moments program for Donna Anderson’s “Penis Chart”; where ‘groupies’ dish the dirt on their backstage encounters. Metal Sludge is known for so much more, but my fingers are getting tired of typing. Seriously, there’s nothing Metal Sludge hasn’t done, except release a CD. Wait just a minute! Metal Sludge has released a CD! Hey! That’s What I Call Sludge Vol.1 (read CD review) was released in May 2004 and it features a wide variety of the metal and hard rock acts that are down with the website. To promote the disc, Metal Sludge announced they were doing a press junket, and I was there. I thought, what better way to interview Metal Sludge than with their own style of questioning. So to avoid any pending litigation, I give you.... ‘20 Inquiries’ with Metal Sludge.

1. How did the idea of a Metal Sludge CD come about?
This idea has been around for a while and it’s something we always wanted to do. A few years back, Capitol Records came to us and wanted to do a Metal Sludge compilation, but it would have only been with Capitol/EMI bands, and being the control freaks we are, we wanted to do things our way, so we passed on that and other offers until we could do things our way, with 100% control. We just finished a successful tour and figured it was time to conquer a CD.

2. How were the bands selected?
We basically emailed a handful of Sludge friendly bands to see if they were interested and pretty much everybody out of that initial batch is on the CD! We just kept emailing bands we liked and who were down with Metal Sludge and that was that. It was pretty simple actually. We have had a backup list of bands incase anybody had to back out but for the most part, what you see on the CD is who we initially contacted.

3. Where there any bands that you turned down? Who? Why?
We didn’t really have to turn down any bands since we were the ones who contacted the bands we were interested in. Nobody knew we were doing a CD except for the bands we had contacted so it’s not like we had an open call and had to pick which bands to include. I think the only band that actually came to us was Glory Hole U.K, because Mike Fasano heard about the CD from Billy Morris. At that point the CD was almost full but we were able to squeeze in the Glory Hole U.K. track. However, if you really want to see the list of bands we turned down, you’ll have to buy the CD and read the credits very carefully. They’re all listed in there.

4. What artist on the new CD deserves a smack in the mouth and why?
None of them. Why would we talk shit about the bands that are on our CD? They were down enough to give us a song and support the page so we have nothing against any of those bands. We don’t talk shit just to talk shit. If we have a problem with somebody we’ll say so but we certainly don’t have a problem with any of the bands on our CD. They’ll have Sludge Luv forever.

5. Rate the following online rock magazines on a scale of 1 to 10. 1 being a site that is of the same caliber as Metal Edge and 10 being a site that is of the same caliber as Metal Sludge.
Well none of these sites are a 10 because none are on the same caliber as us. Nobody is doing what we do and that’s probably because nobody wants to do what we do. Anyway, we’ll try to be fair here.

Electric Basement = 8
Melodic Rock = 8, they’re giving our CD a review so they’re an 8 for now
Metal Exiles = 8, they’re giving our CD a review so they’re an 8 for now
Rock Confidential = 8, see above
Classic Rock Revisited = never been there but they’re an 8 if they review
our CD.
Rock is Life= 9, since you’re doing this interview now and we’ll kiss your ass
while you’re here and then talk shit when you leave.
KNAC = 8, see above
Brave Words Bloody Knuckles = 8, see above

None of those sites suck and they all do well with what they do. We’ve never really gone after other rock websites because we can’t be bothered. As long as a site is doing their own thing and not trying to rip us off, we have no problem with them. A lot of sites popped up after us and some are still around but a lot failed because they weren’t original or doing their own thing. The ones around now are pretty solid and have been around for a while. KNAC.com was a force a few years ago but has slowed down a bit over the last year or so but they’re still doing their thing. Melodic Rock always has interesting news and same with Brave Words. Rock Confidential has naked chicks and Metal Exiles and Electric Basement have their own niche. Rock Rage has a quote on the top of the page saying “The World’s Greatest Rock Website - Rock Rage Staff” so you guys have a sense of humor, since obviously Metal Sludge is the Greatest Rock Website. But we like sites that don’t take themselves too seriously because after all how seriously can you take this shit?

6. Who do you think is the biggest pussy on your “Pussy List” and why?
Sebastian Bach because the guy just doesn’t have a sense of humor about himself. He wants to come off like this cool, rock dude when he’s really just an insecure douche bag. That comment probably won’t help us get him to do an interview, huh?

7. What artist on your new CD should pack it up and call it a day?
We wouldn’t have any artists on our CD if we thought they should call it a day.

8. Will there be another MSX Tour this year? Will any of the artists on the new CD be on it?
Our original plan was to do MSX 2 and have it be with the bands from the CD. Makes total sense. However, organizing a tour is not an easy matter. It’s not just picking what bands you want to tour and having them go out there and do it. It’s like putting together a big puzzle. Most of the bands on our CD all have different booking agents, so the booking agents all have to get along and agree about things, some of the bands have gigs already scheduled this Summer, some of the bands draw better than others, they all want a certain amount of money, the clubs have to be willing to pay the bands what they want, blah blah blah, and in the end, it’s a lot of drama. So right now, it doesn’t isn’t going to happen. Things didn’t line up perfectly this time so we’re going to hold off for now. And if we do MSX 2, we want to make sure it’s as good as it can possibly be. We don’t want to just throw any tour out there and call it MSX 2. If we can’t do a tour that makes us happy and that we would go see, then we aren’t going to do it. That doesn’t mean that it’ll never happen but it won’t be happening this Summer.

9. How long Metal Edge folds?
That’s not a complete sentence but we understand what you’re trying to say. Metal Edge maybe has another few years left, maybe? I don’t know who buys that anymore. But it’s doing better than Hit Parader and Circus, who are both still out there, so if those two are out there then Metal Edge might not be that bad off!

10. What the hell happened to Gerri Miller anyway?
Last we heard she was doing freelance work for various magazines. She’s pretty much completely removed herself from the rock world and for good reason.

11. Excluding the ones on the pussy list, what artist would you most like
to do 20 questions with?
Vince Neil would be fun. We could come up with questions for him for days.

12. Who do you think is the most overrated act in rock music today?
Gee, I don’t know, The Darkness perhaps?

13. Who is the most underrated?
We could write for days about bands that are underrated and deserve exposure. Of course you have Butch Walker, The Wildhearts, and most of the bands on our CD. Anthrax is underrated because they should be bigger than they are. A lot of the so-called “80’s bands” that still put out new music because a lot of that is better than people give it credit for.

14. Metal Sludge was recently ranked #9 on VH1’s 100 Most Metal Moments
program. What mainstream notoriety are you most proud of?
Well that definitely ranks up there! Anytime we’ve been mentioned on VH-1 is always an honor and is probably the biggest for us. Our first time in Rolling Stone, Spin, and Maxim was cool. Seeing Scott Ian and Iann Robinson wearing our shirt on TV was also great! Seeing somebody wear your shirt on TV in front of millions is kind of a trip because that’s when you realize that people actually know about our page and are seeing it. Being anonymous and all, it’s hard to sometimes gauge how popular we’ve become so that sorta of stuff is always shocking and cool at the same time. We still sometimes think we’re on Geocities and nobody really reads the silly crap we write.

15. Steve Rachelle of Tuff appears on the new CD and is also frequent visitor to your site; most notably for whoring his Tuff CDs and merchandise on the message boards. Tell me, how is it possible that Tuff has a 7 CD/4 DVD box set, yet they only had three studio albums; and only one that got any real exposure?
How the fuck should we know but we’ll ask him next time he does an interview with us. Thanks for thinking up a question for us.

16. With Judas Priest and Van Halen getting back together this year, who do
you think will be the next band to settle their differences and hit the road for that big paycheck.......I mean for their fans?
The only two bands we can think of off the top of our heads would be Skid Row and Pantera. I think Pantera will happen before Skid Row. There’s so much bad blood in the Skid Row camp between Skid Row and Sebastian it’s hard to say if that’ll really ever happen. Like wrestling though, anything is possible.

17. What’s your favorite quote from your “Famous Last Words” section?
Pretty much anything Nikki Sixx says. He’s always great in contradicting himself. His quote in 1984 saying his heart wasn’t in top 40 and he couldn’t do it, to a year later saying that Motley is a good top 40 band is classic. Plus any of the ones that say you can find him on the street eating sandwiches with the fans. Nikki’s always great for a laugh. Gene Simmons is always fun too.

18. Of all the bands that you’ve dealt with over the years, who were the coolest and who were the biggest dicks?
The coolest were obviously the ones who have songs on our CDs because those are the bands showing major love! It also seems the bigger the “rock star” the cooler they are. Nikki Sixx, Alice Cooper, Anthrax, etc. All the bands that are thanked in our CD have been really cool.

The biggest dicks to deal with are really just the people on our Pussy List. The ones who say they’ll do an interview and then back out once they see the questions.

19. Name 3 highlights and 3 lowlights of Metal Sludge.

Highlights:
1. Our “Hey, That’s What I Call Sludge” CD
2. Our XM Radio show on The Boneyard, Channel 41
3. Having our first MSX Tour

Lowlights:
1. The few times we’ve been fooled and put up fake interviews
2. Computers crashing and losing all our emails
3. Answering these questions..

20. Are their plans for Hey! That’s What I Call Sludge Vol. 2?
If Warrant can have Belly To Belly - Volume 1 and never follow that up with Volume 2, then we figured we could do the same thing. I think the plan was to have a series of CDs but I’ll be honest; if this thing doesn’t sell there probably won’t be Volume 2! Hell, the page could self-destruct tomorrow! Who knows? We could get drunk and delete the whole thing! I’d like to think they’ll be a Volume 2 and right now I’d say there’s a 50% chance of that happening. When it comes to Metal Sludge, anything is possible. We’re slightly dysfunctional, just like the bands we cover.

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